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5 Ways to Understand Rape Culture

I've been following the #Steubenville case really closely over the past six months or so, and I haven't written much on the topic aside from a few tweets--until now.

Today, my friend tagged me in a Facebook post linking to this BuzzFeed article:

(The tweets go on and on, but you can go to the source for more stomach-churning vitriol.)

The conversation on my friend's post made me realize that very few Penn State students  know how to digest this issue. Some were jumping to defend the boys. Others were lashing out at him for defending them. Others still were blaming the girl for her actions.

Just for a bit, let's turn our attention away from the individual boys and girls involved. Let's instead turn our attention to the flawed structures that created it: rape culture. Jane Doe--and all Jane Does across the U.S.--are victims of a flawed culture, not "being a whore" or any of the other insults being thrown around.

This issue hits close to home for me, as it took me years of my life to realize I was suffering from it as well. It took coming to college, studying the media, and finding feminist blogs to learn how much I personally was hurting from not having been taught about consent during my youth.

If we want to fix this stuff, it's going to be with changes in the way we think and relate to others. That means empowering all people to fight back against harmful attitudes, ideas, and opinions that lead to incidents like rape or sexual assault.

But how do we empower people to fight back, stand up, and be a hero in the face of these issues? First, we've got to educate them about the problems. Below are some key issues to understand when dealing with Steubenville and the rape culture that permeates every corner of the U.S.--and likely, many countries abroad:

1. Women are objectified, everywhere we look. We can see clear evidence of rape culture in the way the boys paraded Jane Doe's seemingly lifeless body around various parties that awful night. But we have to look broader than Steubenville to see more evidence. Writer and educator Jaclyn Friedman calls out "toxic masculinity"as the problem. She quotes former NFL quarterback Don McPherson: "We don't raise boys to be men. We raise them not to be women, or gay men." Read more about toxic masculinity here.

2. Female objectification acts as a dehumanizer.  Dehumanization literally means stripping someone of their compassion, individuality, and civility. When you treat someone like an object, you're dehumanizing them: making them out to be less than fully functional, thinking, breathing, crying, laughing, feeling human beings. Dehumanization is often the first step to justifying violence against others. Remember, this isn't a conscious thought process for many--most people don't realize they're dehumanizing others. It's a learned attitude, and it can often manifests in subtle ways--like laughing at a rape joke, making objectifying "compliments," or not calling out someone else for make these comments.

3. Dehumanization leads to violence--like rape. Let's be clear: rape is a form of violence. It is a unique form of violence not comparable to acts like shoplifting, getting robbed, or even getting murdered. When you are raped, you lose autonomy, control, and a feeling of over your own body. When women are dehumanized and made to be seen as nothing more than objects, it makes it easy for the perpetrator--generally NOT a stranger, btw--to imagine that person as an object. This makes it a lot easier to commit acts of violence against them.

4. We can trace rape culture back to a male-dominated worldview. For me, the media is the #1 perpetrator. Check out this trailer for Miss Representation, a documentary that exposes just how widespread and immediate this problem is. Also, this infographic allows you to see how very few women are a part of the stories we see in Hollywood.

5. Men are victims of this dominant worldview, too. They're often just silent ones.  This quote from CNN, I think, illustrates it perfectly:

Evan Westlake, 18, a Steubenville football and baseball player, told the judge on Friday that he saw Richmond digitally penetrate the girl in the basement. 

When asked by prosecutors why he didn't stop the incident, he said, "It wasn't violent. I didn't know exactly what rape was. I thought it was forcing yourself on someone."

This is seriously a big, important quote, illustrating the real issue in the Steubenville case, one that isn't unique to Steubenville but is apparent in schools and communities nationwide: a serious lack of education about what constitutes consent to sexual activity and what doesn't.

Until America can learn that sex isn't a taboo subject, but one that needs to be talked about openly and honestly, I'm afraid incidents like this will pop up time and time again. But understanding rape culture is the first step to fighting it--and that's something we can all commit to.

Long Live #Selfies!

Trigger Warning: Some embedded links may containing triggering content regarding media objectification of women and oversexualization of women's bodies.

A few weeks ago, I encountered a Thought Catalog post titled Go F*ck Your Selfie, a piece that features the misguided thoughts of one very angry man and his hatred of the "selfie."

File under:
One of The Dumbest Thought Catalog Pieces
 I Have Ever Had The Misfortune of Reading.

If you read the piece, you'll see that the author pulled out some lovely Urban Dictionary definitions* of the word "selfie,"definitions that the author "loves," definitions in which homophobia and misogyny are rampant:

The term ‘selfie’, apologies, I mean #selfie, is an alarming new trend that took off in 2012 for people who now had a hashtag to justify their vanity. I love Urban Dictionary’s definition: 

An act usually carried out by girls aged 12-21, the act involves taking photos of ones self while posing. If the act is carried out by a man, he is usually seen as being gay. 

Example 1: Yo man, I seen you put selfies up on Facebook… You gay cunt!  

Example 2: Hey man, I was doing some Facebook stalking today, found the hottest girl, check out her selfies. 

It should be noted that example two is good only for women who only want to be screwed at 2:17am and kicked out at 4:11am, but never dated, because a barrage of selfies on one’s Instagram or Facebook red flags a high-maintenance egomaniac. 

May I suggest a way to wean off this addiction? Try taking pictures of interesting things — because god knows you are no longer interesting, you are wildly overexposed.

In short, this sum bullshit.

I see selfie hate expressed online every day, whether in Thought Catalog posts like the one above, or via seemingly casual insults on the matter thrown into Facebook comments. And you know what? I'm sick of it.

People who bash selfies on the Interwebz do not understand one very important thing: there is vast societal pressure befalling women every day, pressure to fit a very narrow definition of what's beautiful, pressure stemming mainly from dominant media messages in Western culture.

When we turn on the TV or pick up a magazine in the grocery store, we tend to see very thin white women with silky hair, big boobs, a narrow nose, big lips, a tiny waist, and a flat stomach. This is a short, nuanced version of the issues with the media's portrayal of women, but that's a topic for another day.

I shouldn't have to remind anyone that women face very public pressure to be beautiful. But we can see the result of this pressure, at least in part, manifesting itself in the selfie. The selfie can be interpreted as an embodiment of the modern day woman's desire to control one's own public image, by way of taking what is essentially a self-portrait--a very popular and ancient photographic and artistic technique, for those of you who need to brush up on your art history.

There is nothing wrong or inherently bad about wanting to take photos of yourself to control the public images/messages you send into the world, particularly when that message is something as personal and prone to judgement as your own face/body.

The selfie bashing, IMO, can be interpreted as an example of internalized misogyny, or unconscious hatred of feminine behavior.

In conclusion:  LONG LIVE SELFIES. Gurl, you werq that Instagram filter, and don't let anyone make you feel bad about it.

*Important Note: Upon further examination it's clear Urban Dictionary has since removed the aforementioned homophobic and misogynistic definition of the selfie. This further proves my point that Mr. Thought Catalog writer is wrong, wrong, wrong.

What I See

Another collage I made this winter.

February Funk

I don't like February! It's cold and I get far too bored.

I graduated in December so now I've been writing and making collages like this one.

Vital Information for Your Everyday Life

My friend recently asked me to answer a few questions for a research piece. Posting them here because I think these are very common questions regarding feminism that stem from SERIOUS misconceptions:

Do you think feminism is a position of defense or offense?

If we're going to look at feminism this way, I think it can be seen as both. While feminists do try to fight back against existing ideologies that are harmful to women, in my own life, I've certainly been able to use feminism as a both an armor against these harmful attitudes and a tool to spread more positive messages and ideas. It's sad to me that in the past two years or so--ever since Republicans took control of the House and began pushing TONS of anti-women legislation, restricting access to birth control and abortion--feminists have had to take a more reactionary approach to changing cultural attitudes. Hopefully, with more female representation in Congress than ever before, we'll see less need to push back against this type of legislation and more opportunity to move forward.

Does the hatred of men play a role in being a feminist?

Absolutely not. This is a common misconception that stems from people's general misunderstanding of sets and subsets. Feminism is a subset of egalitarianism, which is the ideology that all human beings are equal.

The idea that feminists "hate men" represents backlash used to weaken what is actually a very powerful and threatening movement. Feminism is threatening because it challenges the status quo. Imagine if all women were loud and proud feminists--men could no longer ignore our plight and could no longer use our sex and gender as an excuse or means of oppressing us or refraining from giving us equal opportunities.

Another point that's important to illustrate here: men are also harmed by sexism and gender roles. Our culture doesn't only demean and trivialize women, it also teaches men that they can't show emotion, that they have to be all-powerful, breadwinners, dominant, etc. Feminism seeks to eradicate harmful representations of ALL genders, not just those with a female gender identity.

Do you think feminism prescribes the imminent death of chivalry?

Chivalry is an old code of conduct used by knights in the Middle Ages. It represented taking care of all of those who are weak or otherwise unable to take care of themselves. While I think we all have an important duty as human beings to take care of those in need, we need to stop having a predetermined idea that ALL women are weak and cannot take care of themselves.

Men and women can still care for each other without fostering a predetermined hierarchy of one being the weaker sex. I think the concept of chivalry has morphed into an idea that just because women now demand equality, men are no longer "supposed" to do "nice things" for women, like buy them flowers and hold doors open for them.

No one is saying you can't express your love and gratitude for another human being in this way--that goes for both men and women. But if you're going to hold a door open for someone, why wouldn't you do it for EVERYONE--regardless of their gender? The problem arises when people think "incapable" is a woman's default setting.

Do you think there really is such thing as a patriarchal family in America today? If so, do you think it will last?

Families come in all shapes and sizes in the U.S. There are many single woman households, gay and lesbian households, grandparents raising grandchildren, you name it. The traditional idea of the nuclear family is changing as our culture changes, and women are becoming more accepted in the workforce (well, at least white, skinny, middle class women). There's still a lot of work to do when it comes to creating an environment where we see all types of families as valid and equally important pieces of our social fabric.

But to answer your question--yes, patriarchy is still a rampant and prominent idea in U.S. culture.

How do you think feminism plays in a role in present day marriages? Do you think the declining success rate of marriages can be attributed to women’s rights movements in any way?

No. Divorce can be attributed to our shifting cultural and religious ideas. Divorce is becoming more feasible for women as they are able to make their own money. Also, there's an increasing decline of strict religious ideals condemning divorce.

It's interesting that people choose to link feminism to divorce rates--another example of people using unrelated facts to weaken, diminish, or undervalue the movement and thus take away its power to affect change.

If anything, feminism plays a very positive role in present-day marriages. Women are now able to hold jobs if they see fit, share housework with their partners, and can expect some level of autonomy and equal representation in a relationship. These relationships can have positive affects on children, as well, as children with feminist parents may be less negatively affected by forced gender roles and expectations.

Rat's Nest

She fell asleep on me :*

"It is difficult to get a man to understand something, when his salary depends upon his not understanding it." - Upton Sinclair

Your Facebook Status Isn't Funny, Bro -- It's Street Harassment

As my twin sister said, "An example of slut-shaming and why I hate everyone." As much as I'm exhausted by Facebook-arguing with people, I often feel like it's the only platform I have (apart from real life encounters) to educate people as to why their societal views are often problematic.

There are so many things wrong with this. First of all, let's stop policing women's bodies/sexual encounters. Sexuality is an entirely fluid, individual thing, and it's not up to you to dictate what others  should or should not do with their bodies, male or female. Period. When you dictate what another person does with their body, that is rape in and of itself. Slut-shaming serves as a tool for social control in which women are "not allowed" to have sexual desires or act in a way that's deemed "too sexual." The mixed messages women receive about sexuality are absolutely infuriating, but that's a topic for another day.

Second, cat-calling is not funny in any way, it's street harassment. I presented a research paper on this topic at Penn State's Women's Studies Graduate Organization Conference last spring, and I volunteer for Stop Street Harassment, a nonprofit organization. I am acutely aware of the fact that street harassment--whether it be cat-calling, leering, inappropriate remarks, kissing noises, anything that makes a woman in public feel uncomfortable--serves only to intimidate women, to remind them they are objects to be judged and objectified, that they are unwelcome in the public sphere. It's obviously an intersectional issue (like all things) also tied to socioeconomic status, race, sexual orientation, and gender identity, with women of color often experiencing it at greater levels and women of the higher socioeconomic class being able to afford private transportation (cars, cabs) to avoid this type of treatment.

Either way, your Facebook status is not funny or cute or entertaining, and I don't let this kind of awful mentality slide. If I see someone saying something problematic on such a public level, I will call them out, and you should, too. The first step to social justice is advocating it in your personal life. Thank you and goodnight.

end days

Aubrey Beardsley, Salomé

So summer's winding down and I hate this time of year. My birthday is the first day of August and what follows is usually a grueling month of self-evaluation and anxiety about the future. It's clearly something about starting the new school year, too. I'm graduating from Penn State in December and I couldn't be more excited. Still, the blank slate laid out before me is reminiscent of the days I spent in high school trying to decide which college to attend, not knowing where my head would be hitting a pillow a year from now. We only fear the unknown...